Grieving and Gratitude

Motherhood has not looked much different during these coronavirus days from my view here at home. I spent much of my winter at home already, and I'm still taking walks every day. My husband is working from home, which has been great - his work is flexible, and our young son hangs out with him while he works. We miss people, but the Internet helps us stay connected. We have been getting a lot of much-needed organization work done in our home, one little corner here and one big pile there at a time.

I am counting my blessings today. We have much to be grateful for. We have plenty of food, we thus far have our health, and our lives are continuing for the most part as normal.

This time is filled with blessings, but it is not without disappointments. For one, I strongly suspect that we will still be barred from church at Easter. (Update: I wrote this before seeing confirmation of this today.) I missed Holy Week last year (the week leading up to Easter), my favourite part of the liturgical year, because I had a newborn; returning to church on Easter Sunday with a less than week-old baby was absolutely glorious! I will miss it again this year, this time the whole Church with me, and our return to church will certainly be glorious, but I'm certain we will spend Easter Sunday itself at home.

We also have had to cancel our son's first birthday party. I was going to have Easter decorations - stuffed bunnies, baskets, painted eggs; cute pictures of chicks and ducks; cupcakes and my husband's famous pasta sauce, and lots of family and friends over.

I didn't even get to send out my homemade invitations, which I had really enjoyed designing.

We also are cancelling a trip, but it is one we can easily postpone. A lot of people, I am sure, are feeling heavy disappointment about various trips they had to cancel.

My child's birthday party seems a small thing to give up compared to how I imagine it would be for a prom/graduation or a wedding. My heart goes out to all those who are postponing their weddings or getting married in private and holding off on their receptions. It would be a hard thing indeed to wait longer, to cancel plans, to perhaps lose money, to change your dreams of how it was supposed to be. Every bride knows that even the ordinary things that go wrong at a wedding will drive you crazy, let alone a big change of plan that will affect so many during the upcoming wedding season.

It is a small thing compared to bankruptcy after pouring your time, funds, and dreams into that small business or restaurant you opened just before mass closure hit.

These in turn are small things compared to the grief of those whose family and friends have died from the virus, and those on the front lines who are witnessing respiratory distress, crowded wards, and facing impossible decisions of who gets the limited ventilators. The pain of those who are dying in isolation, whose loved ones are dying far away, and who cannot gather for a funeral.

I am thinking as well of those for whom the isolation is a burden of stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and uncertainty; and those who are victims of domestic abuse or other hardship at home.

My thoughts and prayers are with the suffering, and I am grateful for the small griefs and small joys of everyday motherhood in isolation here at my home.

I am grateful for:

✔️ a mischievous, happy, healthy, babbling, clingy and tantrumy, soon-to-be-walking, growing almost-toddler;
✔️ a loving husband who is still able to work and who has been helping me out at home;
✔️ the time to work on projects;
✔️ the ability to Skype, Facetime etc. with loved ones;
✔️ good food to eat, and good health;
✔️ good shows to watch (Babylon 5 anybody? That's what we're watching right now)
✔️ Typika prayers (liturgical services without priests) and livestreamed liturgies
✔️ outdoor walks

...and the list goes on.

What are you grateful for today?