Good Days and Not-So-Good Days
How has the isolation of COVID-19 been for you, dear Mama's? I've noticed that on brighter days I feel a lot better about things than on heavily overcast days, and it always surprises me how much the weather affects us. I don't dislike rain, but I do feel oppressed by the dark sky. Every once in a while the mundanity of the days gets to you, exaggerated by dark skies or social distancing or both. Isolation has long been a struggle for new moms, and new moms have to isolate at home now like everyone else. That means that there are going to be a lot of not-so-good days for moms. I don't know what it's like with a house full of kids, as I'm sure many moms are dealing with more challenges than I am; I can only reflect upon my own situation, with a one-year-old and a long stretch of days stuck at home.
It has overall been great having my husband working from home, and the quiet time together has actually been really nice. My husband has been happy to be stuck at home and we hope that his employer will allow him to continue to work from home after this time passes. We have realized we would be content living outside of the city. But these quiet days together at home also lack so many of the outings I would like to be doing for my social, probably-extroverted, energetic toddler. And for myself, the mundanity of these days exaggerates the learning curve of motherhood.
A day in the life of a mom: make meals, play with toys, go for a walk, clean up, watch a show before bed. Repeat the following day. Is all of that just what I would be doing every day now anyway, regardless of the pandemic - the life of a mom? But it's missing some of the better parts, like going to parks, pools, and playgroups. It's as though winter has been extended, for even though spring is here, we are mostly still stuck inside. I often find myself wishing we had a backyard. For a place to go. For something new to do. For inspiration.
I've heard many a mom say before that they measure their value or level of success by their productivity. In this time of not much to do, a lot of us are seeking more worthwhile things to do, things through which we can make an impact on the world around us. But here's the contradiction: if I am busy working at a job, building a side business, writing or blogging, reading, or starting a new project, I am distracted from my son, who is my main "work", yet I don't feel productive when I am spending quality time with him. I chose the stay-at-home mom life believing it to be what's best for him, but walking back and forth a million times with the walker toy that plays Old MacDonald ad nauseam doesn't feel so very productive. "Cook, eat, clean, nurse, play, repeat" doesn't feel productive. I try to refocus my view of my productivity by reminding myself of the mantra, "Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work". I value spending time with my son, but it's a challenge figuring out how to do so while making time for myself, accomplishing goals of my own and feeling sufficiently productive, and currently having nowhere else to go.
I have spent the majority of my life looking up to married couples with babies and beautiful families as though they had the whole world. But it isn't all magical, it's real life - as ordinary as any other stage of life, with its good days and its not-so-good days. Motherhood is special but it is also challenging, boring, tiring, scary, and passing too quickly. Making the most of our time with little ones who grow up quickly and "living in the moment" are important but it can also feel like a lot of pressure. How do you best make the most of the time you have? How do you make the days meaningful and fulfilling for you and your child? And make time for yourself, and be sufficiently productive, and not be distracted from the most important work, and not missing the moments with little ones that grow up so quickly?
So far, I've found half of a solution in the small steps. Putting on some music and dancing (my son loves to dance!). Blowing bubbles for him to pop or watch in wonder. Walking down a path we haven't walked before. Sitting in the sunshine while he plays at the water table in what little backyard we do have. Trying a new recipe. Reorganizing something in the house. Writing at least some of a blog post. Reading a baby book with my son. Playing games with him. Trying a craft.
We all want to do something meaningful and successful with our lives. I want to write a book, have a successful blog, start a side business, make a difference, make something of myself... and I feel clueless and stupid not knowing where to start. I remind myself: I'm already doing something meaningful and successful by spending time with my child. Here's my other mantra: "If you want to change the world, go home and love your family."
I think that's been the best part of the pandemic for those of us who are blessed to have family and health with us. We have the opportunity to just be home and love our families. That's pretty much all we can do right now.
It has overall been great having my husband working from home, and the quiet time together has actually been really nice. My husband has been happy to be stuck at home and we hope that his employer will allow him to continue to work from home after this time passes. We have realized we would be content living outside of the city. But these quiet days together at home also lack so many of the outings I would like to be doing for my social, probably-extroverted, energetic toddler. And for myself, the mundanity of these days exaggerates the learning curve of motherhood.
A day in the life of a mom: make meals, play with toys, go for a walk, clean up, watch a show before bed. Repeat the following day. Is all of that just what I would be doing every day now anyway, regardless of the pandemic - the life of a mom? But it's missing some of the better parts, like going to parks, pools, and playgroups. It's as though winter has been extended, for even though spring is here, we are mostly still stuck inside. I often find myself wishing we had a backyard. For a place to go. For something new to do. For inspiration.
I've heard many a mom say before that they measure their value or level of success by their productivity. In this time of not much to do, a lot of us are seeking more worthwhile things to do, things through which we can make an impact on the world around us. But here's the contradiction: if I am busy working at a job, building a side business, writing or blogging, reading, or starting a new project, I am distracted from my son, who is my main "work", yet I don't feel productive when I am spending quality time with him. I chose the stay-at-home mom life believing it to be what's best for him, but walking back and forth a million times with the walker toy that plays Old MacDonald ad nauseam doesn't feel so very productive. "Cook, eat, clean, nurse, play, repeat" doesn't feel productive. I try to refocus my view of my productivity by reminding myself of the mantra, "Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work". I value spending time with my son, but it's a challenge figuring out how to do so while making time for myself, accomplishing goals of my own and feeling sufficiently productive, and currently having nowhere else to go.
I have spent the majority of my life looking up to married couples with babies and beautiful families as though they had the whole world. But it isn't all magical, it's real life - as ordinary as any other stage of life, with its good days and its not-so-good days. Motherhood is special but it is also challenging, boring, tiring, scary, and passing too quickly. Making the most of our time with little ones who grow up quickly and "living in the moment" are important but it can also feel like a lot of pressure. How do you best make the most of the time you have? How do you make the days meaningful and fulfilling for you and your child? And make time for yourself, and be sufficiently productive, and not be distracted from the most important work, and not missing the moments with little ones that grow up so quickly?
So far, I've found half of a solution in the small steps. Putting on some music and dancing (my son loves to dance!). Blowing bubbles for him to pop or watch in wonder. Walking down a path we haven't walked before. Sitting in the sunshine while he plays at the water table in what little backyard we do have. Trying a new recipe. Reorganizing something in the house. Writing at least some of a blog post. Reading a baby book with my son. Playing games with him. Trying a craft.
We all want to do something meaningful and successful with our lives. I want to write a book, have a successful blog, start a side business, make a difference, make something of myself... and I feel clueless and stupid not knowing where to start. I remind myself: I'm already doing something meaningful and successful by spending time with my child. Here's my other mantra: "If you want to change the world, go home and love your family."
I think that's been the best part of the pandemic for those of us who are blessed to have family and health with us. We have the opportunity to just be home and love our families. That's pretty much all we can do right now.
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